Amazing. Just so Amazing.

God is working WONDERS with me right now. I can't even EXPLAIN how I'm feeling right now. Loved, cared for, understood, tested, broken, sad, peaceful, etc. SOOO many different things. I feel like I'm on this crazy roller coaster! But in the past TWOOOOOOO days I have seen and FELT God so much. Now I know that a lot of people turn to God during only the bad times in their lives, but this is different. I dont know if I should even call this a bad time in my life. This is a struggle, yes, but WOW. So many things are getting me through this and they are ALLLL linked to God.

He is preparing me for something amazing. He's preparing another person too. Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay so the day before this awful thing happened to me a friend RANDOMLY gives me a cd with a song on it by Hillsong. It's called "Arms Open Wide" and its AMAZING. Like I think this is what God is trying to tell me. To just TOTALLY give Him my life. My life should be centered around nothing else or anyone else. Just totally all to Him. The lyrics are:

Take my life, I lay it down
At the Cross where I am found.
All I have I give to You, Oh God.

Take my hands and make them clean
Keep my heart in purity
That I may walk in all You have for me

Oh, here I stand arms open wide
Oh, I am Yours and You are mine, Jesus.

Take my moments and my days
Let each breath that I take
Be ever only for You, oh God

Oh, here I stand arms open wide
Oh, I am Yours and You are mine
Oh, here I stand arms open wide
Oh, I am Yours and You are mine

My whole life is Yours, I give it all
Surrendered to Your name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way, Have Your way

My whole life is Yours, I give it all
Surrendered to Your name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way, Have Your way.

Oh here I stand arms open wide
Oh I am Yours and You are mine
Oh here I stand arms open wide
Oh I am Yours and You are mine.

Amazing right? God is SO jealous for me. He is a jealous God. I have spent so much time giving most of my WHOLE self to something else when I should have been giving it ALLL to Him. Wow. And this other person involved, God wants every part of them too. Every part. And it's not over for us. I can just feel it. God loves us, He just needs to show us it's ALL about HIM. And then we can set the example for others, together. Great things are going to happen. And WHATEVER happens I am going to be ok. It's going to be hard, so so so so so hard, and it will take some time, but it's going to work out. It just has to.

And it's SO crazy to know that God saw this heartache and this struggle way before I was even born. He knew this would happen to me and he has prepared me for it in the past few weeks. God LOVES ME. He loves me. And he loves you, whoever you are that is reading this long LONG message. God loves YOU. And he is jealous for you. He is so envious of your love for other things. Worldy things. B/c he has a plan for you, he is the ultimate prize over EVERYTHING else in the world. All other things will fade away. People come in and out of your lives, your houses decay and fall apart, your money disappears, relationships fade, etc but GOD NEVER FADES, DIES, FALLS APART, OR DISAPPERARS. God is FOREVER. He stands forever.

Gosh. When your eyes are opened.... they are opened WIDE.