He Gives and Takes Away

Last night something terrible happened in my life. Something I never saw coming. I am choosing to not be specific and please dont ask what exactly it is, but God is showing me SO much through my pain, and through my love for another.

God IS in control. He can take the most precious things right from underneath you and he wont hesitate in doing it if he feels he needs to. Sometimes we put things before God, and this is NOT ok. For a few years I have taken one particular thing that I love and felt more for it, cared more for it, and did more for it than I ever did with God. And in the past few WEEKS as I have started growing closer and closer to God through his word and others and then he decided to say to me, "I am taking this thing that you love more than anything else in the world from you b/c you cherish it more than you cherish Me. You have put it equal with Me and I need to show you that I come before ALL things. Even the most precious in your own eyes."

At first I was angry at God. I felt betrayed by him. I thought, "How could you do this to me? How could you do this NOW. Now that I was growing so near to you. I was growing so near and you do this to me? WHY?" Something that I struggle with most is patience. I have NEVER been a patient person. When I want something I have to have it right then. It drives me crazy. Through this trial/struggle/heartache I hope to gain patience and perseverance.

James 1:2-5 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, becasue you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

I am struggling. My faith is being tested, and I SOMEHOW have to find joy in my suffering. Why? B/c other people will leave you, bad things will happen, but GOD will never leave you and he will never harm you. God will work us through this. We will be made stronger and more beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. This I know for sure. And God may or may not bring back this thing that I love so much. I am hoping and praying and trusting that he will. I feel confident that he will.

Pray for me. I know this doesnt give you much to go on, but please, pray for me. And pray for the others involved in this situation. Pray that we find rest, comfort, peace, wisdom, etc. We will get through this. We will. Have faith.

"The Lord is near to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -PS 34:18

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in ALL our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ." -2 Corinthians 1:3-5

James

HEYYYY! It has been quite a while since I have posted anything on here. I have been quite busy, BUT I have a LOT to say tonight so I hope you're ready.

I met these AWESOME people through my job/boyfriend and I am SO thankful that I did b/c they are perhaps the nicest people I have EVER met in my entire life. You can just see God working through them. It's pretty flippin awesome. :) So anyhoo, I have started going over to their house to have dinner with them once a week and Jen and I have started studying through the Bible. This is something I am new at but I am beginning to LOVE.

We started in the book James and so far its AMAZING. I read some really interesting things tonight and wanted to share them with you on here so bare with me. :)

First you will need to know that the book James is actually written by Jesus's brother, James, and he is speaking to the early persecuted Jewish Christians and all followers of Jesus, and the main theme of the book is, FAITH WITHOUT ACTION IS NOT REAL FAITH AT ALL.

The first chapter starts off with James explaining to the persecuted Christians that he understands that they are all stuggling and that they are in a tough spot but that they should try to find the joy in their struggling b/c in the end their stuggle and hardship will make them stronger. He says,

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks he must believe and not doubt, b/c he who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

(James 1:2-7)

This is totally awesome. James is saying that we should try to find the good in the bad b/c in the end we will grow from it and that is the beauty in hardship. He also says that if you need wisdom, seek God, he will give you answers but you have to be ready to hear his answer and know that there will be one.

Later he goes on to talk about listening and doing, and this just happens to be my FAVORITE part so far. He says,

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to LISTEN, SLOW to speak, and SLOW to become ANGRY, for man's anger does NOT bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. DO WHAT IT SAYS."

(James 1:19-22)

So many people are so quick to get angry about silly things, or to throw up a wall when it comes to religion but God specifically says to be quick to listen, and slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Jesus was an excellent listener, and if we are to be like him, we should listen.

My two favorite verses so far are:

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world"

(James 1:26-27)

These two lines are AMAZZZINNNGG. I know a few people who can stand infront of a crowd and say so many amazing things about Christ that literally bring tears to my eyes and run chills down my spine, but as soon as the crowd has gone away they are completely different people. Do you think that behind closed doors Jesus did the things he told us not to do? Do you think he said vulgar things, made obscene gestures, judged, hated, or distrespected other people? NO. Jesus was a perfect man. So when we speak great things about him and his word and make ourselves a witness to the world, and then turn around and do the opposite we are pretty much spitting in his face. Respect Jesus, respect others, and respect yourselves.

The other verse I love is:

"Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

(James 2:17)

I feel like we as "Christians" can talk the talk but most of us arent willing to "walk the walk". There are SO many things we should be DOING to show God's love to people but we dont. We wake up, live how we want, go to church, pretend we have it all figured out, and that is how we live. We pass homeless people on the streets and think, "they did it to themselves" or "they are just going to by beer or drugs or WHATEVER". The truth is we're selfish. We have turned our backs on what we have been called to do. We are so caught up in our own lives and feelings that we have forgotten about the others who need us. WE NEED TO WAKE UP, TAKE A STEP BACK, AND START LIVING FOR GOD. Start loving those who need love, caring for the ones who need it, and helping those who need help.

"Send us to the nations, to the broken, lead us to surrender, we will go."

God's leading us to surrender, so quit fighting him. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

That's all for tonight.

"It Happens"

Isn't it funny how little things can just make you bust out laughing? Today I was sitting in Barnes & Noble studying; I went to get in line to order a drink, and while I was standing there I noticed a car parked in the parking lot with a HUGE dent in the side of the back door and the window of the door read, "It Happens." with an arrow pointing down to the dent! I just cracked up right there, got out of line, grabbed my camera, and ran outside to take a picture. That is my picture for today.
It just amazes me how some people can find the good in bad things. I LOVE that. I remember one time I was at the beach with a bunch of my girlfriends and one of them somehow lost their phone while we were riding around in the convertible. Apparently it fell out onto the ground and we could not find it ANYWHERE!!! And she was obviously upset b/c it sucks to lose your phone and all but I remember her saying, "Oh well, there is nothing I can do about it now." and I was thinking "OH WELL?!??!" I know I would have been FREAKING OUT. I love that about her. It's like she knew that she most likely was not going to find her phone so she didnt really let it get to her because there was nothing she could do about it. I find that awesome, and I wish I could be more like that. :)
And THIS person with the dent in the side of their car... they decided that they couldnt do anything about it right then so they would make it into a joke. They took something that they knew they would most likely frown at or get annoyed at, and turned it into something they, and others, could laugh at. I know it's silly, but I just can't get over how much I admire people like this. And little things like this just make me smile inside and out! So who ever you are, if you're reading this blog, GOOD FOR YOU!!! Just know that you made someone smile today. :)

And now that most of you are ready to barf from all of the happiness... goodnight!


That's my little piece of mind for today.

Feb 4

Well Hey!
Today wasn't too interesting, but it was good. :) I went to the tanning bed (I know.... bad bad bad) for the first time this year! I always go around this time of year two or three times a week (if that) just to get SOME color! So... I look like a lobster now! oops. At work everyone was like... "It's rainy and cold outside so how is it that you have SUN BURN!?!?" haha. I told someone I just got back from a cruise... lol. Then I told them the truth. It was quite embarrassing.


So anyway, I'm feeling good about life lately. Really motivated. Happy. I guess it helps that I have an AWESOME boyfriend who loves me even at my worst, and he never fails to pull me back to the good in my life when I feel like I'm sinking. He's the absolute BEST. <3 I know this is kind of a random blog, but that's b/c I'm in a really random mood. :) I bought an ipod nano a few weeks ago and I like it alright, but I'm starting to wish I had gone with the touch. :/ Oh well.

I have been telling EVERYONE about Haiti, and suprisingly some people have seemed really skeptical about it. They say I'm going to come back with some terrible disease or something like that. I find it shocking that some people are so caught up in their own selfishness that they can't even fathom the AWESOME-NESS of going to a different country and putting your feelings aside and helping those who are so desperately in need. I am just so glad that I get to give back to the world in some small way. God will protect me and everyone else on the trip; I have faith. God is on our side... he wont let us fail.

IF OUR GOD IS FOR US HOW CAN WE FAIL?

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint -Isaiah 40:31

I'm Taking Control

Wellll Hello!!

Today was actually a good day. :) I woke up on time, got to class on time, ENJOYED Chemistry, and I suprisingly feel really motivated today. It's amazing what God will do for you if you just ask him. Like yesterday at Awakening, I prayed to God to give me motivation, and you know what? I have felt SO motivated to get things done today!!!

I actually went to the bank today and opened up another account so that I can save for Haiti. I already have $100 and I'm gonna have atleast four or five more months to save! :) :) :) I paid rent, and pulled money out to pay bills, AND I have studied today!!! I know this doesnt seem like a big deal, but to me it is. I'm finally getting back on track.

I've decided I'm going to take at least one picture a day that is really awesome, or that reminds me of my day and post it up here everytime I get a chance. I didnt take one today, but I'll post an old one anyway.

New At This

Hey everyone. I am pretty new at this whole blogging thing but I'm gonna give it a shot! So here goes nothing.

Tonight I went to church for this service called "Awakening" and it was AWESOME! I felt so close to God and it was so great to watch so many people let loose and actually worship God with out any insecurities or self-doubt. At first people were afraid to just let go of their fear that everyone was looking at them or whatever, but as the night progressed God just swooped in and took over the place. People were singing so much louder than I've ever heard people sing in church!!!! It gave me goose-bumps! :)

So the College ministries leader, Brandon B., got on stage tonight and talked about taking a group of people to Haiti soon, BUT you have to be going to with a medical team witch means you have to have medical experience (which I dont). But ever since I heard the news about Haiti I have felt so called to go over there and help out. I have NEVER wanted to leave my home, family, friends, boyfriend, etc. SO much to help people in a completely different COUNTRY before. I have had so many opportunities before to go on mission trips and what not, but I have always felt HALF way like I wanted to go. This time it's different. I feel like I HAVE to go. Like it's not even my choice. Like it's God's choice. Im SUPPOSED to be there. So, Brandon told me that he is actually taking another group to Haiti for volunteer work during the summer for about a week or so and I'm totally in. I don't care what I have to do to get there, I WILL go.

So anyway, please be praying for me. I have to get my passport, take some training classes, and come up with some money to help get me there. Keep me in your prayers please! I'm starting a new chapter in my life, and God is TOTALLY 100% in control.

LET MY HEART BE BROKEN WITH THE THINGS THAT BREAK THE HEART OF GOD