~Lead Me to the Cross~

Ok, so it's been almost three weeks. I'm A LOT better now than I was before. I've... well my eyes have been opened and I am now living the life that I THOUGHT I was living before. I dont really know what to say at this point. It's like... yes, I am heart broken. Yes, I AM hurting. Yes, I DO miss him... Yes, I DO want him back. BUT, I have this super weird peace about it. I know God's got everything under control. You know how when you fly in an airplane your life is in the hands of the pilot? The thought of a MAN being in control of my life still makes me uncomfortable. But in this particular case, my situation is in the best possible hands. For I know God is NOT going to screw up. He is perfect in all that he does. He breaks hearts, but b/c he has something better or to teach us a lesson. I have learned SO much in the past three weeks. So many great opportunities to share the word, be with friends, get to know my SELF, time to get to know God... etc.

I do want him back. He was my bestfriend. I love him just as much as I love myself. But I'm learning. I'm growing. I know that no matter what God will decide what happens from here.

I really don't know where I'm going with this blog... I think I'm just kinda babbling on, but what I DO want to get across is that three weeks ago... I was lost, confused, hurt, falling apart, and felt betrayed. I thought NO ONE understood me, that no one cared. What I want to tell you is that now I have NEVER felt so loved, cared for, and desired in my ENTIRE life. MY ENTIRE LIFE. God has been right beside me from the beginning of this. He's been carrying me through this, and for that I am SO thankful. I dont deserve one bit of what I have. None of it. I dont deserve the love that is shining down on me. None of us do. We are all evil hearted selfish human beings. I find it so amazing that we can be SO angry at God and He just looks down on us in awe. He is completely and totally in love with us.

Yesterday, I was telling one of my good friends about how I was feeling at the time and she reminded me that I'm not alone. That Jesus tells us that whatever we are going through he has also experienced. That he knows what if feels like to be lonely, sad, heartbroken, undesired, ridiculed, harrassed, etc. Jesus experienced the ULTIMATE loneliness in his final moments on the cross. Even God turned his back to Jesus on the cross b/c he could not bare to look at the world's sin which had been cast upon Jesus. I cant for one second imagine how that must have felt. But because Jesus died for us, because he drank the world's sin, God now looks down on us and sees His son's blood that was shed for us so that we could be made clean. How awesome.

I recently stumbled across a song called, "Lead Me to the Cross," by Hillsong. It is AMAZING! I suggest you listen to it. It's so beautiful. Here are the lyrics! :)

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dearI count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart